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In todays world breakups are pretty much a part of the human experience that are no different than breathing oxygen.
Most people are aware of the fact that going through a breakup has the same effects on your body as withdrawal from an addiction, it involves the part of the brain associated with motivation, reward and cravings.
Having said that, emotional pain shoots through the same grey matter in the brain as it does when you’re hurt physically.
That sucks! But hey, we aren’t going to smack you throughout this information with sad and bad news, we’ve got the good news too and that is “I promise you the mental and emotional pain you are feeling right now will start to ease after you are done reading this.” so hang tight.
You are going through a breakup and a very tough one indeed, the one that ripped your heart out and hurting like hell, it’s you, only you who can feel the pain you are in right now, we agree because you are right!
No one except you understands and gets it like you do because after all, it’s you who’ve lost it all.
Indeed, of the whole humankind, there isn’t one soul out there who’s remotely familiar with the level of wretched misery you’re going through.
Obviously a serious breakup where love was present but only on your side of the relationship, you wouldn’t be breaking up otherwise, getting over such breakup is never going to be a walk in the park, regardless of what remedy you seek for.
However, with the right knowledge and support at your disposal, you can minimise the pain and get yourself back on the road to recovery. This is coming from someone highly experienced who went through it all and that time it seemed as if it was the end of the world, his world, and that someone is none other than me!
The truth is, the only way to get through a breakup is to make a mental map that you need sticking to and then go straight through the middle, I don’t care what others say I am offering you help based on my personal experience so let’s get to that.
#SAY NO TO MAKING DECISIONS
If you think this one is obvious you are dead wrong, you; as a matter of fact people, in general, make decisions that are rather impulsive and fast when they are not their normal self.
So if you are thinking of getting some ink on you, although in that moment it may feel like the right choice to make by getting “Let it be” or “When you left me behind you set me free” tattooed but do you really need those sort of reminders for the rest of your life to have them permanently embedded into your skin?
You are clearly not in the right mindset to be making life-lasting decisions, it might all work out for you in the end they might all turn out to be great decisions one day, but make those when Rhianna stops singing “Love the way you lie” in you head.“Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, but that’s alright, because…” No, it’s not alright! Don’t.Just don’t.
#TIME TO REMOVE/UNFRIEND
Now this is equally important and I dont want to shout by using caps but I will quote it instead.
“It’s time to Remove/unfriend your ex right now!”
That’s right whether it’s on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Myspace, Snapchat and other apps that you are friends on, its time to take this step.
Seriously, do it now I will wait…
They may post contents which may shatter your progress and put you back feeling instable, unsure and insecure. Do you want that? Let me answer that for you, No you don’t!
The best way to prevent that from happening is by blocking/unfriending and removing your ex and ceasing all contact to prevent you from seeing anything posted by them, if you have their best buddies/friends added please given them the same VIP treatment by blcoking/unfriending and removing them right after your ex!
All done with this, so let’s move to the next one. Wait! Have you removed your ex and your ex’s friends? Seriously, if you haven’t, do it now before getting to the next point.
#NO STALKING
Now, we are all guilty of this one and that’s how I know how much this one sucks and sends you on a downward spiral, I wish I had known better, but you do because I am telling you when your feelings are raw and you are healing the last thing you want right now is to grab a knife and carve your fresh wound all over again, no that shouldn’t even be the last thing on your mind, my apologies.
Warning: You will be tempted as you are going through a recovery process, especially if you hear the news that they have a new boyfriend/girlfriend or they are seeing someone so on and so, that’s one of the reasons I asked you to block your ex’s friends so there won’t be any gossip coming along your way, your own friends would know better not to talk about your ex (if they are your true and drama-free friends)
Getting to know about your ex’s life will encourage you to stalk and if you do so you can just rip your heart from your chest and put it on the ground then pretend as if it’s your tiny little bouncy castle, it will hurt relatively less.
So no creepy stalking behaviour, okay? Got it? Move onto the next point.
#SOBER LIFESTYLE
It wouldn’t be fair to assume that everyone uses drugs and alcohol, so if you are one of those who don’t, I’d say well done, you’re doing yourself and everyone else around you a massive favor by staying away from alcohol and drugs, oh you can go ahead and skip onto the next point.
Now, “if you’re an ex-addict recovering from either drugs or/and alcohol you are at the higher risk of relapsing” and you certainly don’t want to invite more problems into your life right now while recovering and healing from your breakup.
Despite everything I just told you should you still decide to have a drink, after all, you must ensure to steer clear of “drunk texting” nothing good ever comes out of it, so by getting rid of your texting capability it will at least ensure to keep you away from texting drunken emotional crap, while under the influence.
So “if your phone is in your possession the chances are you will use it to imitate Shakespeare,”you’re human after all, a drunk human.
Alcohol is a depressant, so by leaving your phone at home, you’re doing yourself a favour or just “pass it to a trusted friend with permission to feed it to a pack of wolves before even thinking of giving it back to you unless you’re as sober as a judge” as they say. No further explaination would be necessary, your true friend would know why.
With that said let’s move to the next point.
#YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS
While going through a breakup your connection with family and friends is vital and by “family and and friends” I mean the real and sincere ones not the one you havent heard from since you last crisis.
The real friends and family that care about you enough to sit through “Hot Fuzz” for the 28th time while eating that frozen pizza on a kitchen napkin slice by slice just because you used all the clean delph four days ago.
Did you know the primal reason why breakup hurts so much?
Because it disrupts our need to be connected to other people, so by understandng this as a side effect you can put much needed emphasis on spending time with a gang of your family and friends and this will result in an increase of happy chemicals in your brain such as dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphins that you’ve been missing.
Maybe someone in those amazing friends and family (on their way out) will push the start button on your dishwasher.
If you’re invited to go to the pictures or window shopping or to some gig, dont refuse and dont argue, just go, at this stage you must be smelling like almost a week long temper, dont let it drag on, get out and blow some steam, it will cool you off and you will thank me later for this.
I know you got this and we are ready to move to the next one.
#GET SOME SLEEP
Like my earlier arguments I wish I had known the importance of this one when I was going through what you are going through now.
Time to give yourself some TLC thats tender, love and care DUH, but its also missing in your current life right now DUH. So TLC means TLC, if that means changing your bed sheets, getting new pyjamas, yankee candles, oil burners, so be it.
Remember not to get anything that brings your past memories into present, at the same time get rid of everything that reminds you of your loss, if you arent ready to get rid of them yet pack them in a box and put them away from your sight like shed or attic.
Once you’ve done the above its time to focus on your sleep, everything will still be there that you want to do and catch up on when you will wake up. Let go of FOMO (fear of missing out) and try to get some quality sleep in your freshly made bed, it wont be easy to just switch off your feelings and sleep but you have to work on it so lets start working to regulate your sleeping pattern.
By the time you will wake up you will feel a million times better than you did before you went to sleep, with this said lets get onto out next point, shall we?
#YOUR DIET & NUTRITION
As the saying goes “You are what you eat” how many times have you heard that phrase from people in fitness business? All the time, because it’s true, if you constantly put bad foods in your body they will escalate your anxiety which may give birth to depression.
So if you feel like having Micky D’s or Colonel Sanders fried chicken go have it, but whatever you do don’t keep it going for too long by turning it into a habit of pigging out on junk everyday.
You are in a difficult spot, I get it, I really do, but hey, you don’t need to get sick on top of everything else.
Give your body what it needs to function.Eat healthy and eat regularly.Everything in okay once its done in moderation.
“No matter what exercise you choose it simply won’t be enough to stop you from gaining weight if you eat pizza every day!”
If I could change one thing in the quote above to make it more obvious I would replace “Pizza” with “Junk”but understandably “Pizza” is used as a metaphor for getting the point across but either way, you now know, so its time for the next point?
#NO MEETUPS
There is an obvious reason that I did not mention 30 days of no contact rule in this post. Why? That’s because enforcing a permanent no contact rule is better in my opinion and I will explain, it’s not as if you have children with your ex but if you do then you will find most points in this post rather unrealistic.
I will draft a different post called “A Survival Guide After A Breakup Involving Children” based on my own experience, so keep an eye out.
In my opinion, when there are no children involved, being friends with your ex after a break up is not just creepy but also weird, there always will be unnecessary jealousy and tension present.
Once you will move on and enter into a new chapter of your life with your new partner, as unrealistic as it may seem and sound right now but I can put all my money on that happening sooner rather than later once you successfully heal and get over this breakup.
While recovering, and thereafter, you dont want your ex introducing you to his new Margeurite “Mags”the spinning fitness instructor who snacks on lettuce and cucumber juice and drops a quick line about the movie they saw last night together.Together! Yes to-get-her.
You loved your ex remember?And your ex loved you back! In my experience it’s hard to go backwards from that dynamic, there will always be a void present in whoever did not want that relationship to be over, regardless of whether it was you or your ex, so they will always take that opportunity to their advantage once they are represented with one.
However, if you still believe you can drive through that long dark tunnel by forgiving and forgetting and come out as friends on the other end of that tunnel then I salute you “cothrom na féinne.”
It wont be long before you will find yourself in trouble, you are already going through it, nothing to gain from going through it all over again is it? that calls for the next point…
#LEARN YOUR LESSON
He was a jerk! She was a slut! I get it, is that why it took you years to call it off? Its time to looking at yourself and yourself alone, what was it that you did wrong and what was it that you tolerated which you shouldn’t have tolerated.
Whatever he or she did at the end of the day you tolerated that behaviour which in a sense signals your approval. No pun intended!
It’s about what you can learn from this experience, why did you choose that relationship in the first place? and more importantly, what’s left for you now that it has come to an end.
We are exposed to people every single day (assuming you go out) they either learn from us or teach us a valuable lesson, what have you learn from your experience? Once you get past this hurting phase you will realise that you have learned so many things that you can carry forward with you into the next chapter of your life and with that said let’s get to the final phase of this post.
#TIME TO APPLY THOSE LESSONS
Not only you will survive this breakup but you will come out strong and better version of yourself considering you have learned your lessons and wont make the mistakes again at least not the same ones you made in your last relationship.
Right now you shouldnt think too far ahead, there’s no point wandering in the woods when you have a ton of unfinished work to do back home. Get through a day or two at the most until you feel ready to make real plans for something fun a week or two ahead.
Meanwhile keep putting one foot ahead of other on your way towards your journey to get over this break and to a new you!
Dont stop, Keep on going and you will get there sooner than you think, I promise.
Are you crying? it’s perfectly ok if you are, get it out of your system, its a natural process I did that too. Remember, our path to wisdome and fulfilling happy life is often littered with shards of broken hearts, including our own, take a deep breath, you are stronger, you are beautiful and you’re one masterpiece in almost 8 billion people.
Wow, youre super unique! Never forget that, ever. I mean ever!
Sarah
